Beyond "Philia" Love

7:40pm hits and the first bell for dorm worship sounds.

Usually, I try to make it to the other deans’ worships just to have a sense of what has already been talked about in the week, and so that my Thursday inspiration won’t be redundant!

Tonight is Dean Fitting’s night, and I feel a little better (raise myself some Good-Dean Points) when I see that he’s still at the office computer, printing off last-minute notes for himself! :) I’m glad I’m not the only one who extends my priorities to the last minute!

I take a seat, perched on the arms between two cushy chairs, and survey our comfortable lobby as the kids are gathering.

Boys thunder and swing down their stairs from one side, joking loudly and shouting about football, and girls’ fast and happy chatter breaks into the room from the other. Two girls come sit beside me, a freshman and a senior. Another senior comes over to sprawl across another's lap in the chair to my right. Other girls are squeezed in together cozily on the couches. The electric fireplace is blazing and has attracted several sophomores to its glow (it was a rainy day, all day today, and the warmth feels good!). There seems to be an abundance of entertainment opportunities among each other while we wait, but… only considered such if you’re a high schooler: Two by the fire each try to thrust a slipper into each others’ oses, reacting to the smell and laughing hysterically-- doing this over and over and over. ?! One junior boy's brown cell phone case with a Celtic design suddenly becomes an object of interest to a few girls, who take turns examining it and passing it down the line-- much to his bewilderment. One girl even takes a “selfie” or two before he is able to grab it back! A sweet freshman boy examines my purple socks from across the room and ultimately decides to pay me a nice compliment:) “Thank you. They’re from Target,” I tell him. “for only $1.50!” Some of the girls perk up at this, and a familiar “I Love Target!” conversation spreads. Another freshman boy twirls in the computer chair, lost in his own world, as usual. ADHD is cute on him. Some of the older boys stick to the outer fringes of the group, flipping their hair like One Direction and trying not to show any true emotion. One has a … rug burn? …on his forehead! I don’t even want to know…

A student rings the double-bell at 7:45 and Dean Fitting begins worship. One thing I have noticed is that these kids ARE respectful and quiet listeners! I’m always impressed.

Fitting reads the passage in 1 John 4 about God’s love for us and about knowing how to treat others with love after God’s example. We review the different “levels” of love (eros, philia, and agape) from the Greek that represent romantic, brotherly, and unconditional love. Tonight’s key point is that when we get to heaven, perhaps God raises our “love standards,” and we will no longer be bound by eros and philia love for one another, even in marriage; God will “promote” us all to agape love. The question comes, “Will there still be marriage in heaven?” It is true that some say No. We don’t know. This can be a devastating announcement!! How can the height of love and commitment as we know it, which seems to be God’s very best creation, be dissolved ‘just like that’ in the New Kingdom?!  Instead, Dean Fitting proposes that we will be upgraded at that time to agape love for all. Only God is capable of loving us with agape love, all the time and already, but we do not know that capacity yet. Perhaps our idea of marriage will completely change… the way we love each other will change. Rather than mourn the loss of a love we know only here on earth, let us celebrate that we can grow to a greater love once we get to heaven, even beyond marriage, eros love.

Interesting idea.

After Chapel Announcements and a brief reprimanding that the kitchenette is dirty and neglected once again, the kids disperse back to their rooms for study hall. The crazy energy and hype disappears upstairs to become the RAs’ problem.

I find that my own philia love has increased as I have met some very sweet and quirky adolescents here at Gem State. I am their dean for just a year; I am sharing life with some still-searching-and-finding high school students. I am reminded that being “Dean Berger” is my duty and my task-- daily, weekly-- but also my JOY and my PRIVILEGE. Afterall, aren’t we ALL searching and finding (just not quite so… immaturely!)?

I am! I appreciate this time, and I’m thankful for God’s help: He surely stretches my “love” to be more forgiving and unconditional than I knew possible.

Gem State Academy campus in the rain this afternoon... it was pretty!